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True gardening stories: How it all went terribly wrong (humor)

by Richard Serra

Created on: April 03, 2007   Last Updated: April 18, 2007

Probably the dumbest thing I can recall is thinking that by adding plant food directly to the roots of a tree would be a good thing. As the universal law dictates, there must be a balance at all times; I just didn't pay close attention to the rule.

Using one of those three foot spike feeders that have a container at the top for the fertilizer, I merrily drove it into the ground between two trees, attached the hose, turned on the water, and off I went to do something else.

Company stopped by, and after a few hours of conversation etc, it was decided to go out for dinner. Then after dinner we took in a movie. After the movie, it was a stop at another's house for some coffee and desert. All this time the water was running full blast into the ground.

Upon getting home, the thought just didn't come to me that I left it running, and so we watched TV for a while and then turned in. Went to work the next morning, and when I returned, I found something of a marshland as water found its way to the surface in some areas and the ground around the trees was somewhat of a mushy feeling. After all, there was enough water flowing all that time to fill a swimming pool.

Well, too much of a good thing didn't work so well. Not only did the two trees drown to death, in the days that followed, the underground oil tank took on water as well.
Much to my surprise when going down to the basement, anything that could float did so.

The water bill though hefty was the least of all the expense, and the most important lesson learned is that anything that you do that can get away from you, will do so if you don't baby sit what it is that can.

On another occasion, I decided to make my extensive collection of roses look more attractive by putting down some black top soil of sorts. Not knowing exactly what it really was, it did look good for a while. But then something alien looking started to appear.

These large blotches of a very bright yellow powdery substance started to ooze out of the top soil. When disturbed they would belch out some kind of yellow dust that made you feel that if you inhaled any of it, you'd turn into some kind of slithering alien.
Well, eventually it killed all the roses. That is saying something as roses don't give up that easy.

Learn more about this author, Richard Serra.
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