by Elaine Sihera

Created on: April 03, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

According to a recent survey in the UK, more than 55% of people are unfaithful to their partners. The rise of the mobile phone, Internet dating sites/chat rooms and greater work freedom for both men and women, ensure that it is far easier to have an affair, or start a new relationship with someone, without current partners knowing about it. It is also very easy to get indignant when our partner strays, to condemn them in vitriolic terms and accuse them of being 'bastards' 'whores' or 'terrible cheats'. But sometimes getting self-righteously angry, without acknowledging our part in the process, simply delays the inevitable: the final break-down of the relationship.

There are many reasons why partners cheat, each specific to that relationship, but four main ones seem to cause the most damage: 1. Loss of Attraction and Communication, 2. Lack of Gratitude and Appreciation, 3. Lack of Affirmation, and 4. Loss of Significance and Value. No matter why the partner finds someone else attractive, that infidelity will be tied to at least one of those major causes.

1. Loss of Attraction and Communication
When we fall in love, there is no law which says we will remain attracted to that person forever. In fact, mutual attraction and communication depends heavily on the other three reasons being positively embedded into the relationship. Without feeling appreciated, wanted and valued, or being positively affirmed by someone else, we soon lose our feeling of significance, that we actually matter, and go off that person rapidly. In those circumstances, we are bound to find others more attractive because we would stop communicating at home and communicate to others instead.

Often, partners change in unexpected ways, like physically getting bigger in size, or getting more mean and selfish in their actions, which were not there at the beginning. That might cause attraction to wane because it is then tempting to compare others to our partners and find them wanting. In those situations, we tend to find it hard to express our feelings as we are not quite sure what to say. Nothing tangible has caused the discomfort and unhappiness with our partners, but it is there like a bad smell, constantly making us unhappy. We cannot make someone find us appealing if they don't. So the only certain thing with this reason is that, once attraction goes, communication quickly follows and the relationship is doomed. It is likely to disintegrate gradually or continue in a very unhappy and resentful way

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