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With nearly 700,000 singles in my location, it's difficult to think of "dating" as an activity that should only be reserved for when you're interested in settling down. Most singles would probably tell you to take a hike.

Recently, I decided to engage in some spring-cleaning of my room (I might add, for the purpose of inviting a guy over). Sorting through a mountain of unread books on my desk, I came across one which an ex-boyfriend had loaned to me nearly 2 years ago. "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" was the very controversial title, it was written by a Christian author Joshua Harris. Curiousity got the better of me; I starting thumbing through it. Thinking that it would be one of those stuffy, holier-than-thou writers preaching about the dangers of dating, I was prepared to put the book down very quickly.

To my surprise, I was riveted. The author was refreshingly honest and direct as he shared his own story of how he had decided to stop dating and focus instead on developing wholesome, clean and deep relationships with members of the opposite sex, at least until he was ready to be committed. The whole idea was that today's society of instant gratification, dating for recreation and self-serving individualism had led to the culture of dating as a way to satisfy short-term emotional and physical needs. Society's many problems of high divorce rates and dysfunctional families were a result of this very selfish, self-serving mindset. Dating in and of itself was not wrong, but it could lead to many problems in relationships because of the way people saw dating - as a way to fulfill their own needs.

I couldn't help but reflect on my past dating history. Had I been using dating as a way to fulfill my own needs? Was I one of those selfish individuals that took advantage of the exclusivity of the other party that dating presumed? The results of my reflections were unsatisfactory. Whilst I had not intentionally used a relationship for physical gratification, I was guilty of all the other 'selfish' deeds listed by the author: using a relationship for MY own emotional needs, to boost up MY own insecurities, to make MYSELF feel good and needed.

I could see the folly of my past deeds - it was a humbling experience. You might be thinking: But doesn't everyone deserve love in this life? I'm discovering though, that love usually comes only when you give it out. And prepare to give more that you receive. That's the way love works. And surprisingly, that's when you usually experience joy and peace.

I'm not going to kiss dating goodbye like Josh Harris. Are you kidding? But I'm learning now to see my relationships with others in a whole new light. Perhaps one day, I can honestly say that I've really, truly touched a person through selfless love and generousity. Difficult? Maybe. But after all, I'm kissing the way I date goodbye.

Learn more about this author, Gladys.
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