Nothing can happen out of order or by chance. Yet the Grim Reaper strikes his scythe in ways seemingly haphazard, cutting down the young and old, justly and unjustly. The living are left to cope with only memories of the departed, a once physical reality gone.

Bereavement of a loved one is one of the most difficult, intense and painful of emotions to experience. It is one in which the survivor generally handles alone, a social outcast in their community. In today's so called open and enlightened society, death is still a taboo topic, something that happens to someone else or is read about in the daily papers. No-one wants to think about it, and until confronted with it, it rarely enters our minds. Another's grief is another's business, who wants to willingly face mortality?

It has been twelve months since my dearly loved friend Pete died, he was almost 22. Six weeks later the coroner's (final) report cited murder. Eight months later, the report released a second final report, and cited death by own hands. In this short time I have learnt a lot about grief. One cannot rationalize the death of someone so young - when my grandmother died a friend was about to give birth. This made sense. But how do you cope with the seemingly senseless death of someone with their whole life ahead of them? Murder, accident, suicide and disease - death by unnatural causes - adds more stress to the emotional burden carried.

I feel like I've been to Hell and back, yet I've had some glimpses of Heaven too. Perhaps by sharing my experiences with you an understanding will grow of how to cope with death and the grieving.

Today the doctor tells you it will take between six months to three years to get over it and prescribes a sedative to settle your stomach. You quickly realize your friends aren't interested in your intense feelings, you're basically in this by yourself or if you're `lucky,' with others who have suffered the loss too. This sense of isolation is very difficult to cope with. There are no longer social rituals for mourning. It is no longer the norm to openly grieve for any longer than a few weeks. Can you imagine what suppressed grief can do?

Initially the death of a loved one brings a numb shock. Depending upon the closeness of the relationship, cause of death and other factors, physical symptoms can result - nausea, chest pains, giddiness, heart palpitations, insomnia, nightmares, loss of appetite, stomach cramps, even vomiting. Pete's mother empathically

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