Hair. Lots of it. Remember; business in the front, party in the back. Be abrasive. Belch as much as possible and be sure to reference past, explosive bodily functions. Actually, just reference the past. Always talk about how much better life was when you were a teenager. Speak in fragments. Rack up your best GnR CD or Zeppelin disc. Be sure to profess and lecture on the indispensable contributions of Eric Clapton to the world of Blues. Talk about your ex-girlfriends. Be really jealous and possessive, because remember; you're the king. What's good for the goose is good for the goose; everyone else is a drain on your paycheck and they had better carry their weight.

Oh wait; I was talking about the wrong type of guy.

Shave your back, chest and forearms, but not your knuckles. Be tan. Very tan. Lots of gold and lots of muscles. Be suave and use affectations while speaking akin to those of Sonny from The Godfather. Be impeccably dressed and overly accommodating; at least until you fool them into dating you. You're free to be aloof and demeaning after that.

No, I think that was wrong too.

The best advice I can offer is to be is to find a popular guy and emulate him. Chicks dig wealthy and powerful men. Be one.

Learn more about this author, Jasper Bryant.
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