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The incident of which I am about to relate is one that even to this very day still evokes feelings of uncontrollable homicidal urges that is of course if we can interpret homicide to include murdering a dog clearly possessed by some evil spirit! I am not just talking about any dog here, I am about to describe a dog so cunning it would drive the pope to drinking and swearing. My story therefore involves our family dog, a neighbouring dog, my ambitious plans for a colourful decorative feature garden, and the tragedies that shattered my dreams of featuring in Home and Garden magazine.

Like most family stories, this one started out innocently enough. The love of my life was still a girlfriend when Simba came into our lives as a small but cute ball of trouble. She was a fantastic livewire of fun and games, and some of the puppy bad habits that were fairly normal and easy to manage. As luck would have it, my girlfriend accepted my eloquent proposal of marriage and this we did with much ceremony and gusto. Simba was our only child at that time.

Two years rolled by and we were happily living with Simba and our new son, life was good unlike the National economy and government both of which were not to flash back in the mid 1980's! Crooks governed us in those days, but this has absolutely no relevance to my story so we shall move on to the beginning of when Simba and I began to sense the first stirrings of dissention and ultimate rebellion.

For reasons I cannot possibly explain except perhaps to suggest it was a brief phase in my life where irrationality overwhelmed good sense and I decided to try my hand at gardening. Unbeknownst to me, it seemed that Simba decided gardening was fun (or so I thought at first) and this is where the story gets ugly. For those of you with small children, you might want to cover their eyes while I describe the absolute horrors of what happened over the next few weeks.

Like all good horror stories, we pause here for a peaceful moment of pleasing colours contrasted by pristine and dazzling white quartz rocks forming a most decorative and elaborate work of art for which I was quite proud. Neighbours commented on my considerable skills, and my wife was most pleased with the sterling effort. I looked forward to the promise of things to come later that night based on all the brownie points clocked up thanks to my gardening prowess. (Well I did warn you to cover the eyes of young readers).

I awoke the next morning feeling quite refreshed and ready

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