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Once a junkie, always a junkie
Perpetually strung out with ill temper
Listen to my sad life's story
And feel free if need be to softly whimper

Born addicted to poison
Abused and jaded from day one to end
Say what's up to the freak
Because no one ever showed they wanted him

Blamed for everything wrong in her life
It's all my fault she no had money or time
It was my fault, my fault

The cause of his problem was me. I wanted to die

Used for money, yet told I was worthless
Catch another beating seemingly just for her fun
My life almost came to it's end
When I almost used that rope of desire to be hung

But let me tell you
None of this means anything
I'm still alive
So why does my mind stay sinking

When I finally got out of there
It seemed I was going to a better place
But when I got there
I felt like I had "stupid" written all over my face

The abuse was now mental not physical
But abuse is abuse no matter how it comes
More "you mean nothing." coming from them
The pain was all to real to escape, nowhere to run

Blamed for everything wrong in his life
It's all my fault he no had money or time
It was my fault, my fault
The cause of his problem was me. I wanted to die

Used for stress relief, yet told I was useless
Insulted and demeaned seemingly just for his fun
My life would have come it's end
The day I almost used that loaded gun

But let me tell you
None of this means anything
I'm still alive
So why does my mind stay sinking

Back with my mom, it seemed alright
But then it all comes crashing down
Money now all gone, my shred of hapiness with it
So why do think I didn't just die on the ground?

And that's when I found my wonder cure
My escape from reality, my numbing of the pain
All came in a magical one, you all know her name
The ever so popular, mary jane

But I couldn't keep it right there
I had to have more
One more day, 10 more pills
No wonder I feel like a whore

Used for my own desire to hurt
I never wanted to hurt others, or kill
But I was told I'm a monster, and it almost ended
The day I finally made an effort to end it all with all those pills

But let me tell you
None of this means anything
I'm still alive
So why does my mind stay sinking

Today I'm clean and clear minded
Away from the forever ongoing party
Trying to make up for all the hurt
That I caused my self and those around me

I may seem contradictory
I may sound incoherent
I may come off as a little crazy
But I assure that from you I'm not so different

So please just understand
I'm a regular person, just with a hard past
I'm holding on to my sanity
I'm just hoping it's going to last

I am no monster
I am not crazy
I am me and only thus
Please accept instead of hate me

Learn more about this author, Stephanie White.
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