by Carol Gioia

Created on: January 23, 2013   Last Updated: January 27, 2013

Showing appreciation with a thank you is a display of good manners, and manners are not old-fashioned, nor have they gone out of style. When someone has invited you out on a date, presumably paid any expenses incurred, in an effort to show you a good time or get to know you better, that individual deserves some positive feedback for his efforts.

Modern date situations that call for an old-fashioned thank you:

If she initiated the date

Even if the female initiated the date, paid for the dinner, movie tickets or whatever other expense was involved, which is not unusual in today’s feminist environment, it is still a nice gesture to let her companion know that she appreciated his company.

If you went Dutch treat

Nowadays it is not uncommon for couples to have an understanding that their dates will be Dutch treat, i.e., with each of them paying their portion of the expense incurred on the date. This is especially true when the female’s income might outdistance the male’s. A couple might decide it is better to forgo the traditional “dating ritual” and each pay their own way rather than stand on traditional ceremony and avoid getting together due to financial constraints.

If it is a blind date

Blind dates don’t always materialize into an enjoyable experience. Spending time with someone you don’t know at all is a precarious risk inherent with potentially disastrous results. You might be incompatible, have extremely differing views and personalities. The date could be awkward, fraught with uncomfortable silences. Bear in mind that if you are having reservations about any future interaction, your blind date might be having the same thoughts. Nevertheless, appreciation should be forthcoming, if only for the effort expended. You don’t have to be dishonest by saying you had a good time, but you can say thank you, and find some positive comment to add, such as, “ the food was delicious or the movie was very funny and entertaining.”  It would be rude and thoughtless to allow someone to go away thinking he was a bad date. 

A traditional date

Appreciation is apt to be easier when the date is of the traditional kind, with the male inviting, planning and paying for the evening out and the female accepting his hosting of the date. Showing old fashioned appreciation by saying, "Thank you, I had a nice time," might be the key to a second date, if you so desire.

In any event, whenever another person is motivated to do something nice for you, whether it is a date or any other interpersonal interaction, displaying good manners should be an uppermost priority. Whether you choose to go into lavish detail about the good time you had, or to end the date with a simple and sincere, “Thank you,” your thoughtful behavior will be noticed and you are apt to be appreciated in return.

For a fascinating book on the dos and don’ts of dating, check out “The Rules,” by Ellen Fein.

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