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of visiting rights doesn't have to be the huge dilemma that many couples make it. With compromise and agreement, it may be that one parent hasn't got the time to have the child regularly, although it should be remembered that the times in the life of that child when parent unity is important are the events that make up their childhood. Birthdays and school events shouldn't be used as ammunition one parent against another, and don't have to be. If parents keep each other informed of those dates that matter and learn to be civilized and attend those things that matter to the child, what the child sees instead of broken trust and parents that don't care is a unity that works, even though the parents are not together. This helps a child's stability enormously and does reinforce the idea to the child that he is indeed loved by both parents and is not the cause of the breakdown of the relationship.

Together as a family, plan out your ideas for custody. Compare your ideas with your spouse, talk to the child about them and try and come up with a plan that suits everyone.

5.Siblings

When a child has siblings, deciding the split between a family can be even more painful. Who can provide for the wellbeing of those children ? Instead of thinking in single terms, try and see a whole picture of how two single people living separately can best cater for the emotional, financial, and physical wellbeing of the day to day upbringing of the kids. It isn't hard, though most people let emotion get in the way of clear thinking. You may not love your partner any more, but they are part of who those kids are. By talking and planning together, swallowing your pride and spending time with a spouse you don't love, put the welfare of the children first for a while, because unless you do so, what happens is that bitterness and anger get in the way, and if you really do love those kids, letting them see that both parents love them sufficiently to plan some kind of future together gives those children more stability than you can imagine in a time of change.

6.Factors that matter.

It matters that a single parent is capable of being flexible enough to adapt their home to suit the upbringing of a child. It matters if any kind of abuse of children is involved. Things of this nature will come up, and there really is no point in trying to hide them from a court. Inspections of a home may take place if social services have doubts as to the suitability of the home offered to a child. Preparation, honest and constructive planning are needed if you are going to persuade a court to let you have custody, and it isn't a matter of who throws the biggest mud at who. It's a case of balancing past history, present home situation and stability, parental wishes and above all the wishes of the child.

Child custody courts make mistakes, though the better you present your case together, the easier the transition for the child.

Remember, kids only get one chance at being kids. They are not there to be used for target practice or gaining points. They are little human beings put into a dreadful situation of uncertainty because your marriage failed. What you owe them as human being is the necessary love and care to put your personal issues with your spouse to one side, and talk, having their wellbeing as a first priority.

I grew up without parents that cared enough to consider a child they created and over 50 years later, still harbor regrets and self doubt. Do you want your kids to ?

Learn more about this author, Rachelle de Bretagne.
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