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Here's what to do when the airline loses your luggage. Give the luggage representative a long, slow look as you allow the rage to infuse your body completely. As the fury builds, be sure to flare your nostrils at least twice in the universally accepted sign of imminent violence. Now that anger is your blood, slap the counter once, then again. Wait two seconds and narrow your eyes.

This is when you open your mouth and begin to spew forth obscenities that would make a loutish sailor blush. Inform this crummy little customer service peon that you know that he has your luggage hidden away somewhere, or that you know that he can reach into whatever airport the luggage is lost in and place it in front of you in short seconds. Tell him that it is common knowledge that customer service representatives have uncanny powers of telekinesis and you won't allow the wool to be pulled over your eyes.

Now you need to have a tantrum. So jump up and down a few times, slapping your hands to your face and other parts of your body. Then cast yourself upon the pristine airport floor and bang hands, feet, head and some internal organs on the floor, all while screaming in your most reasonable tone.

Or, if this approach doesn't appeal to you, file the report, make sure you have all the numbers you need, and go home and be patient. Otherwise, you can never check baggage and take all of your luggage onto the plane. That is a wonderful way to make friends!

Learn more about this author, Jared Garrett.
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