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Now rapidly approaching my eighth wedding anniversary I am generally proud of my relationship with my fifteen year old step daughter. It has been difficult for both of us and I am grateful for her that our relationship is so good. In fact, before pursuing a relationship with her mother, I paid attention to what sort of person her young daughter was as I was sure that a relationship with the mother would not work if I found it difficult to be in the presence of her child.

There have been a number of problems, some of which were probably inevitable.

My relationship with my step daughter initially was that of a pre-school child and an uncle figure which meant that I would read stories to her and play games with her. There was no conflict between us at all until her mother asked for my support in minor discipline. It was important, I felt, that her mother asked for my help in this way in front of my step daughter and I am glad that I waited for this as this made it clear to a young child that I was meant to be a guardian figure in her life as well as a friend.

As she grew older our relationship had to adapt to changes in her development and her personality. Problems in the relationship between her parents - they have not communicated directly for years - and between herself and each parent have had an effect on her relationship with me as well as giving the stability of my relationship with my step daughter more importance. It was frustrating that at times I seemed to take the brunt of my step daughter's frustrations but my own good efforts and intentions, and my step daughter's ultimately pleasant nature have triumphed over the problems. Now our relationship is so good that it has been more important to my step daughter for me to get on well with her boyfriend than for her own father to get on well with him.

I believe that why we get on so well is that I always showed my step daughter how important I felt it was that she had as good a relationship with her own father as possible and coupled with this was that I was not attempting to replace him. She is also now so assured of her position in my affections and that even if I were to now have twenty of my own children she knows that none of them would succeed in replacing her in my life. Her mother has told me how she has boasted that she can always rely on me because I love her.

At times I have felt, and said, that if my marriage was to fail I would never become a step father again. It is a very difficult choice to make and can seem a thankless task. However, I am glad that I have my step daughter in my life. She has enriched my life and I believe that I have enriched hers.

Learn more about this author, Harry Scriven.
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