by Lacy Ways

Created on: March 25, 2007   Last Updated: June 13, 2009

Good leaders use active listening in order to communicate to the people looking up to them that their opinions and feelings matter.

Each person is an individual unlike any other, with strong opinions and feelings. In order for a leader to be successful, and to keep the respect of his followers, whether it be at work or in some other circumstance, he/she must keep the lines of communication open and uncomplicated.

People want to feel that they have been heard. In graduate school for counseling, we focused 90% of our training on listening skills, and only 10% on actually giving advice. Feeling heard is what is most important to people. Not feeling that way is what causes individuals to become angry with each other, which leads to fighting and nonconstructive (sometimes destructive) arguing.

THE ANSWER is active listening. Active listening is an acquired and practiced skill in which both people focus not only on getting their point across, but making sure the other person feels that they have been heard.

Necessary ingredients for active listening are taking turns while speaking, maintaining a respectful tone, and remaining approachable and conveying acceptance of the other person's opinions by your words and body language. The key ingredient, and the part which is implied by the word "active" in the term, is in your responses.

Skills for Active Listening:
*When your colleague finishes a point, briefly summarize what you have heard him/her say, taking special care to note strong feelings they may be having.
*After affirming that you have been listening, and most importantly, that you have heard correctly, continue with your point.
*Avoid statements that begin with "You." They will put the other person on the defensive. Reword statements like this to begin with "I feel this way when _____ happens."

When active listening is applied properly, conversations will not seem at all like arguments, and both people will be able to give their opinions without getting offended. Both come out of the conversation feeling that they had been heard and feeling that a solution is underway which involves the interest of both parties.

A leader will remain influential by putting this skill to practice.

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