5 of 9

Write now Article Tools

Have you ever felt so miserable on the inside you wished, prayed, and begged for it to go away?

Self injury occurs when that very wish or prayer goes unanswered. When there is no escape for the pain most people will go to any length for it to go away. Mental pain doesn't just go away with an aspirin, it is there for the duration. Day in and day out people all over the generations feel this pain. Some people cope in ways that are considered healthy or acceptable, the rest rely on the only mechanisms they know how, self injury.

What is self injury? Self injury is anything a person does that negatively impacts their body in order to release a sense of calm, peace or relief. It can be what defines a person as a cutter or burner, but it can also be the person who starves or purges, even over-indulging in food or alcohol. It can be extreme or it can be simple. Self injury is an action caused by the reaction to whatever is creating internal turmoil.

Let me give you a very personal, although non-graphic, example of what caused me to self injure in extreme ways and in simple less dramatic ways.

In a recent journal excerpt I wrote:
I had a doctor's appointment this morning, I was really nervous about going there, as I had never been to this doctor before and I didn't know what to expect. On the way there I realized that my years of self injuring were not over, as I was pinching the inside of my thigh to relieve some of the fear that made me want to turn around and go home. I was in fact, self injuring while I was driving. I had so much fear and anxiety about going that if I didn't pinch my thigh I would not have been able to make the trip. I tried not to do it after I noticed what I was doing but I couldn't stop. Sitting in the doctors waiting room, I was scratching my arm with my nails, nothing more than what would seem like an itch, with the exception that I wasn't itchy. I was nervous. By the time I was in the doctor's office, my left arm was red and had visible scratch marks. I was in shock as I drove home, not pinching my leg or rubbing my arm; me, an adult with kids was still self-injuring.

In earlier journal excerpt:
Tonight, I can't stop obsessing over... (my fears). I don't know what to do. I have tried to talk on the Internet, I have called people, I put all the laundry away, I don't know how to make this panic attack stop. I can't continue living my life this way. I don't want to (self-injure). I just don't know how not to. I can't keep a constant thought. I can't take it.
Well, I feel better now in a way, I am not panic-struck, I am calm, I (self-injured) but not anywhere my kids are going to notice. How can I be a good mom if I can't stop hurting myself. It makes no logical sense, I hurt myself on the outside to dull the pain or calm the panic on the inside. I can't believe myself. I don't understand. God, please help me understand.

Self injury occurs, it happens in every generation, in every ethnic group, and in both sexes. It is not glamorous, it is not done for attention, it is purely a coping mechanism. The best explanation I ever read or heard was in the movie, "Girl, Interrupted" Susanna Kaysen says "I know what it is like...how you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside"

Learn more about this author, Kimberly Mohney.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about What is self injury??
We want to hear your view. Write now!