by Terri Valerian

Created on: March 24, 2007   Last Updated: April 26, 2007

Stay-at-home dads are a somewhat new phenomena that definitely present unique joys and challenges for the family involved. The joys include the child(ren) and father having an opportunity to bond in a way that they might not have if the father were out of the house more often or very tired from working all of the time. My husband is more willing to get involved with the kids in different games and be their playmate than I am. It may be a generalization, but I imagine that most men who are willing to stay home with their children will have a fairly hands-on approach with the kids. This can be a joy for all involved. This is not to say that I do not play with the children or other mothers don't. I know a lot do. It just seems that a lot of men have a unique propensity for play.

The challenges involved are most likely unique to each particular situation. It may be a joy or a challenge for the mom to be in a career while her spouse is at home with the kid(s). I have found it to be both at times. There have been times I felt like I have missed out on too much with my child, but then there are days when I am more than happy to leave the chaos of kids and puppy to have some time with other adults. When my son was younger, it was incredibly hard to leave him because we were still nursing and he was also doing something new every day. A sensitive dad can make that easier by always being sure to be very inclusive of the mom and never competing for the affection of the child(ren).

If a child is always with his or her father, they can sometimes become more attached to him. It can be very challenging for the mom to play second fiddle to the dad emotionally. Men tend to expect the mom to be first in the heart of their kids, but it is very hard as a mother to have your child screaming they want Daddy over you. Luckily, for me, our nursing relationship seemed to preclude that for the most part, but I have seen it be challenging for other working moms.

Moms and Dads can sometimes have different sensibilities about things like discipline, the need for independence, and balancing kids and housework. These are all things that are best discussed and agreed upon by both parents in advance. Traditionally, many men have left these decisions up to the mother of their children (even if it just meant that the mother said, "Wait until your father gets home!"), but as women, that is much more difficult to do. I know I hate it when my spouse allows our kid(s) to do something I would never

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