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I was going to call this article 'Me and the Lawnmower' however, apparently, it is grammatically incorrect to put yourself first. Were it not for grammar I would certainly not put the lawnmower first. Let me tell you about the lawnmower...

Our family owns a second hand lawnmower that we bought so we could cut our own lawns (obvious really...I mean what else do you use a lawnmower for?). The lawnmower and I have a love-hate relationship. I hate the lawnmower and it loves to plot ways to make me hate it even more every time I use it.

Typically, at first, it was fantastic. Started easily and did the job no problems. It was only once it became difficult to start that the wheels started to fall off. Well, not so much fall off, as split in half. Our lawnmower has half a back wheel. It's still a full circle but imagine that sliced in two like slicing off a piece of met worst or cucumber.

After that it was never the same. Every time I wheeled it out to mow the lawn it was a battle to get the thing started. Go through the routine...clean the spark plug, clean the air filter, try to get the accelerator in just the right spot, pull the rip cord, not hard enough, pull it again...oh it started...then it died, try again, oh it's going...looks like it's going to work. Cool.

Then, one time, when all that wouldn't work, I had the bright idea to start adjusting the fuel screw on the carburetor. What a mistake that was. Each time I thought I had it adjusted to just the right spot (read the lawnmower started) the next time I used it, no way was it going to start on that adjustment again. It took many, many adjustments to get that screw in just the right position so that I will never mess with the thing again because it seems to work most times. Back to previous paragraph for how to get the lawnmower going.

The last time I tried to start it, the mower had a new plan - straight out of left field. Second pull of the rip cord and it broke. The rip cord that is. Crap. How am I supposed to start it without a rip cord?

Proceed to remove and pull apart the rip cord housing. Fortunately there was enough of the rip cord left to just re thread it and put it all back together but needless to say the cord is much shorter now. Got to keep that in mind each time you pull it because if you expect a long pull and only get a short one you can do yourself serious injury to your shoulder (there's something decidedly smutty about that last sentence but I'm not going to make that connection for you - I'm talking about the lawnmower!).

So that's my article about my Lawnmower. It doesn't really deserve this minor fame and brief spot in the lime light but at least those of you with pretentious lawnmowers will know that you're not alone.

Maybe there's a support group?

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