5 of 8

Write now Article Tools

Page 2 of 2

version. For those of you that wonder how the Catholic Nuns stay so fit and trim, I tell you its from lugging those hymn books around!

Before you leave, please "re-rack" your weights!

Now, the Catholic Church has some of the same exercises as the local PTA or any other "organized religion." We like to refer to these activities as the "bun" aerobics. First, you shift your weight to your left bun. Hold it for 5 minutes. Then you shift to your right bun. Repeat over the course of the meeting, in an even sort of way, or you could end up with "underdeveloped bun syndrome."

This is a condition that could dramatically influence your professional career as a race car driver (forcing you to over-correct and veer strangely to one side of the track); or a bicycle rider (forcing you to pedal around in circles); or even an Olympic Bobsledder (making it hard to stay on the track).

The only known cures for underdeveloped bun syndrome are:

1. Eating a "Honey Hut" cream in a supine position (favoring the afflicted bun) and hoping that gravity brings about a full recovery....

2. Standing up in the back of the church during services or:

3. Jumping rope on one leg in an attempt to "strengthen" the afflicted side.

If this fails, and a more drastic approach becomes necessary than we recommend:

1. Bunosuction on the overdeveloped side.

2. Bun enhancement surgery (for the underdeveloped side). This is a process that involves the use of silicon implants (which have a tendency to leak and cause "bun deflation").

3. Bun enhanced jeans (padded on only one side)

For those of you unable to afford expensive cosmetic surgery (not covered by health insurance) there are less expensive ways to treat UBS.

1. Litigation against Church pew manufacturers.

2. Social Security Disability Income.

3. Speak with a foreign accent, and tell the hospital you are in the U.S. Illegally

4. Tear a phone book in half and use it on the afflicted side.

For more information, please contact the Chronic Heavily Underdeveloped Bilateral Bun Association (C.H.U.B.B.)

With your help, we can find a cure! WE are already half-way there thanks to your donations!

So, working together, let's put this dreaded disease "behind us"!

Learn more about this author, Paul Drockton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2

Add your voice

Know something about Types of therapy for eating disorders?
We want to hear your view. Write now!