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The reality is that there are no fat Catholics. At least no fat Catholics that attend Church on a regular basis. Now for those of you that are accustomed to attending Sunday mass at Saint Charles, this should not be a mystery. First of all, there is the weekly visit to Confession....there, in the inner sanctum of the darkened confessional, the burden of the soul is too great to carry any longer!

"Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been one one week since my last "Honey Hut"...er ugh, my last "Confession". Yeah, my last Confession..."

"My son, did I hear you say "Honey Hut"? As in "Honey Hut Ice Cream?"

"Yes, my Father...I try to order the single dip of "Honey Pecan", honest, I do! Its just that, for some reason, before I become "self-aware", I find myself walking away from the counter with a triple scoop banana split heavily laden with thick chocolate fudge, gooey caramel and luscious strawberry smothered in their patented whip cream and topped with a splendid marachino cherry...."

Yes, I see...

"And then, with a knowledge of my gluttony, I penalize myself with a strict diet of tofu and bean sprouts for the next seven days...but, the flesh is so weak, that I then find myself venturing into the Parma Home Bakery, telling myself that one little massively stuffed Bavarian cream puff is a just reward for my week of self-less sacrifice...Its a viscious circle Father! A Viscious circle! What's next? Spending my children's milk money on Jelly Bellies from Helen Hutchleys?....

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And then there are the "Sunday Aerobics". Stand-up, sit-down, kneel, turn to the right, shake hands, turn to the left, shake hands, sit down again, stand up, walk and get Communion, kneel again... all in the course of an hour! Try doing it up in the choir loft, with the higher temperature, and you're guaranteed to lose another five pounds!

"I tell you Marge, since I've been attending Church three times a week the pounds just seem to melt away! I haven't looked this good since high school!"

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Thank goodness they break up all this physical activity with a cool down period! They call it the "Homily", but, for most Catholics, its a chance to check your resting heart rate before starting part 2 of your 60 minute workout!

For those of you that believe in using "free weights" over machines, there's the Catholic Hymnbook. Remember now, this is a book that has been added to for hundreds of years! I understand that no-one has actually been able to "dead-lift" even the fully condensed

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