by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: January 19, 2012   Last Updated: January 21, 2012

How you perceive others is based on your environment, which includes the people and situations in it. You base those perceptions on your little corner of the world.

It's like going through life with blinders on. There's only so much that can be seen. By accessing some information and sensitivity, those blinders can slowly come off.

Let's say you're in an office and a disgruntled individual comes in with a complaint. You listen, but the problem doesn't seem like a big deal to you. The tendency is to brush off that person with a "Thank you. We'll see what we can do about it." However, you have no intention whatsoever of doing a thing. You attribute that person is a picky individual who should mind their own business.

What you don't know is that the person's spouse died a year ago; their children live across the country; there are problems occurring in the house for which the person has limited, if any, expertise. In a nutshell, the person is depressed and lonely. This little problem to you is huge to that individual, primarily out of fear of "What will happen next?"

There's another way to look at human behavior. If you think about the concept of the Johari Window, your vision will be broadened. It describes the "process of human interaction." The name is derived from the inventors, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham. A window is divided into quarters labeled:

First is "Open" through which you and others all see the same things about that person.

Second is "Blind" whereby they don't see that, for example, they have a tear in the back of their slacks, but anybody else can see it.

Third is "Hidden" from them and others. Let's say that you have false teeth. You know it but others don't.

Lastly, is the "Unknown," Such an example might be that the very quiet and shy persons who volunteer to perform in a skit because through process of elimination, it is the best of the choices. To their surprise and that of those in attendance, they are the hit of the show. Simply by having this awareness, we can have a clearer understanding of the "how" or "why" about what a person says or does.

Oftentimes, if you think back, your first impression of somebody was altered as you learned more about the individual. So much unknown is involved in the actions and reactions of human beings. If one is bothered by a problem, it is foremost in the mind, which means that one would not respond normally to situations. We are complex.

You may wish to have as your rule of thumb that all are deserving of respect and patience. Altering what would be a natural response toward crabby or demanding people, such as to ask a question to get a feel for what is really going on, would lessen tension and confusion.  This boils down to being focused on the present and the person with whom you are speaking.

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