Sibling rivalry is an age old problem that can be very difficult to contend with. The keys to minimizing this type of family friction can be quite simple to implement. Some tips to doing so are as follows:

(i) Make sure to confirm and value each member of a family equally if possible and take steps to help each person feel special as an individual within the family unit. This should help to lessen the tensions between rival parties as the basis of much rivalry in any setting often comes down to a sense of competing for love between the warring parties.

(ii) Be aware that a certain amount of sibling rivalry, especially that which exists between younger children, can in fact be a fairly normal occurrence. It doesn't always pay to step in with threats of punishment or discipline but to let siblings work out a lot of their own issues on their own terms. If the rivalry degenerates into physical attacks then you may have to intervene.

(iii) Try not to take sides in arguments if you are an onlooker as this can actually exacerbate the feuding energies. Offer to be a mediator and to help facilitate more pleasant behaviors if needed.

(iv) Sometimes a bit of old-fashioned lateral thinking can work if the rivalry between siblings becomes too intense. An equal display of protest aimed at all warring members can effectively break up tension. Even if one becomes the 'common enemy' to the squabbling offenders, at least this might provide a situation where the rivals may band together in order to challenge your authoritative stance. Ironically enough this can sometimes serve as a prelude to a closer bonding and the eventual dissipation of any rivalries that may be occurring.

(v) Be honest and fair with the rivals and only give praise where it is truly due and if necessary clearly explain yourself on all matters in order to diminish the chance of further jealousies and aggressive behaviors. It never pays to play up to any of the warring parties or to strike secret deals and arrangements. As with any disagreement try to always remain impartial and not easily swayed.

(vi) If the rivalry gets to the stage that it has become disruptive and offensive to others it certainly may be time to have a serious talk with all involved. Preferably a strategy along these lines should have been implemented at a much earlier stage but take heart, it is never to late to discuss and negotiate if needs be. Listen to all parties involved and be sensitive to the different needs of certain personality types.

Sibling rivalry needn't be an overly destructive occurrence and if you, especially if you happen to be in a parental role, take steps to emphasize individual similarities and shared experiences while ensuring regular morale-lifting acknowledgments of all siblings in a family, you'll likely see the rivalries dissipate. It may take time and a lot of effort but harmony between rival siblings is possible and achievable; and if all else fails give each rival a big hug and remind them that you love them no matter what and with a bit of luck this equal demonstration of approval and acceptance just may help to lessen some of the strained behavior. After-all, on a deep level any type of rivalry can be a veiled way that an individual resorts to in order to seek love and approval from others in order to not be relegated to second-best status.

Learn more about this author, David Braybrooke.
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