by Hamlet Pericles

Created on: December 25, 2011   Last Updated: December 26, 2011

Written and directed by Joseph A. Elmore Jr., the romantic-comedy SPEED-DATING centers around three friends — Too Cool (Wesley Jonathan), Dog (Chico Benymon), and  Beaver (Leonard Robinson) — who concoct a speed-dating event to meet as many women as possible. In truth, this speed-dating event is a more of a trap, because its main objective is to sweet talk each woman and get her into bed for sex.  The premise sounds interesting; unfortunately, Speed-Dating hits many speed bumps throughout with overacting, weak storyline, boredom, and dry comedy, leading to the inevitable — a crash.   

The three friends/roommates are described as follows:  Too Cool, a millionaire playboy who’s just not that into you”; Dog, a freeloading friend who favors “the R-Kelly tapes”; Beaver, a culinary enthusiast who is suspected to be a “man-tickler?”  Both Too Cool and Dog suspect Beaver’s homosexuality and pester him in various scenes, but he strongly denies being gay (but questions himself).  His sexuality is tested in two unamusing scenes: the gay club and the house party. 

(Note: Spoilers will be revealed, mainly the speed-dating happenings with the various women they meet.)

The movie begins with the three roommates on a track field in sprinting position.  As they sprint, the scene cuts to a speeding car and shows each character engaging in two activities: posting flyers and talking to women.  The following scene focuses on Too Cool who is accompanied in his bedroom by a fake accent-speaking white woman in lingerie named Frenchita (Mary Alexander Stiefvater).  She claims to be his girlfriend, but Too Cool denies any relationship and claims she is only a sex partner and forcefully removes her from his house. While he argues with her regarding their relationship, Dog and Beaver are playing Halo on the Xbox 360 while simultaneously talking about their failing-club venture.  The game suddenly stops because Dog accuses Beaver of cheating and calls him gay, which precipitates a silly play-fighting scene that supports Dog’s suspension of Beaver’s sexuality via his mannerisms.

Too Cool finally gets Frenchita outside and tells her to never come back again.  She responds with anger by minimizing his manhood and stating she will be back to “watch [his] heart break into a million little pieces.” 

This entire opening presents the tone that

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