by Richard Pearman

Created on: December 23, 2011   Last Updated: December 24, 2011

Women's magazines are full of articles about how to get a husband or make yourself more attractive to men. Obviously most of these don't work well. Let's face it, if you were all happily married to men who banged you whenever you were horny, you wouldn't buy those magazines.

Most of the advice deals with losing weight, hair styles, clothing, shoes and make up. Such advice only attracts a certain type of men. These men go by various terms: gays, homosexuals, queers, pooftas, sodomites, and (in central London) ginger (because “ginger beer” rhymes with “queer”). These usually make very bad husbands, if they can be persuaded to marry you at all. Don't look at them as a challenge, avoid them!

On the other hand women tend to reject some men who are actually good husband material. You know you're talking to some guy and his eyes drift down to check out your boobs and your reaction is, “Hey, I'm here!” and point to your eyes and no way are you going to date him. Think about it though. When are your boobs going to be biggest (unless you have surgery to change them)? Yes, when you're pregnant or lactating. The evolutionary logic of breast men is that they stick around their women when they're pregnant and lactating, thus helping to protect them and the kids (who tend to be the breast men's kids, which is why there are so many breast men). Breast men are actually good family men so don't push them away! They're what you want!

Do men want you to diet so much that your boobs disappear and you look like an unwrapped mummy (of the ancient Egyptian variety)? Obviously not. Unless you're prone to being mistaken for a blimp, forget the diets, just eat healthy and get exercise. Let's consider hair, makeup, clothing etc. How enthusiastic are men when you take them shopping for shoes or clothing? Maybe they get more excited if you're trying on underwear or swimsuits and asking their opinion but most the time, they just get bored. Do they notice your hair? No! Why bother? Just wear something that shows off your figure, especially your boobs. What about housework? How often have you heard a man say, “I really love her because she keeps the house clean.” “I married her because she knows how to do good interior décor.” However they do appreciate good cooking but they'd probably prefer a cheeseburger with some interesting spices than Nouvelle cuisine. In fact if they like Nouvelle cuisine you should probably kick them

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>