by Peggy Lindgren

Created on: December 10, 2011

Parenting will definitely change as your children reach adulthood.  Regardless of their age or independence, they will always look to you to be the constant, supportive parent they have grown accustomed to having in their life.

Relating to adult children gives parenting a different, yet pleasant challenge.  You of course, are not his/her friend yet the relationship has moved in this direction.  As their parent you have spent the last eighteen or more years protecting, teaching and guiding your child.  The time has come where you can sit back, relax and enjoy the adult, your child has become.   

Stay in touch

Regardless of the distance between you and your adult children, work hard to maintain a constant and consistent relationship.  They are busy with their lives, just as you are and it takes effort on both parties to stay connected.  With the instant link of email, texting and Skype, you have everything you need to communicate. 

You should relate with your adult children on an adult level.  Talk about politics and you may learn a new perspective, talk about life and they may teach you a thing or two.  The beauty of conversing with adult children is it is an open and honest discussion.  They know you do not judge them and they appreciate your perspective.   Let this relationship continue to be natural and build on years of communication.

Show respect

Adult children appreciate their parents treating them like mature adults.  They have spent years under your supervision and have earned this new role.  It is critical to express this respect so they know you see them as productive adults.  Your adult child may now see you as a friend or mentor and this is a healthy place to be with your adult child.  They learn to see you as an equal rather than someone who is superior.  This also helps build mutual respect.

Give them the respected space they deserve but also let them know you are interested in their everyday life.  Always be a good listener when they need to vent over work or relationship issue. 

Open door

Always maintain you have an open door.  In these difficult, economic times, there is a strong possibility your adult child may return home.  Do not impose any guilt on them and simply offer your support.  Treat them like an adult and have an open discussion on what they can do to help out.  They will want to feel like they are contributing to the household even if they are unable to do so financially.

This is the most difficult of situations because moving home may make them feel like a failure.  Your role at this point is to encourage and support.  The hope is that this is a temporary setback.  Remind them they are always welcome and you understand their dilemma.  

Healthy boundaries

Always remember your child is an adult.  Find healthy boundaries for your relationship and give them the space and privacy they need.  Step back and allow them to make grown-up decisions regardless of your need to parent them.  These healthy boundaries will be appreciated by your adult son or daughter. 

Finally, enjoy this new role between you and your adult child.  The stress of raising them is in the past and the future brings many opportunities for you to enjoy your relationship.  Laugh together and laugh often.  Roles change throughout your lifetime and this is a change that you can all embrace and enjoy.

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