by Angella Gailey

Created on: December 08, 2011

“Do as I say, not as I do,” is something we have all heard from our parents, or even said to our own kids. Many parents know that they do not do what they tell their children do, and many of us do exactly the opposite. A child hearing their parent swear is more likely to swear than a child who never heard a swear word come from their parents lips. A child who sees their parent put themselves through school is more likely to go to school everyday than a child who sees their parent constantly staying home from work and slaking off. So it is very important that a parent leads by example.

While we don’t like to admit it, but children learn from example. From the moment a child is born, they are constantly watching their parents and learning from what they are doing. When a parent hears their child say their first swear word, they act shocked and ask where they heard it, the sad truth is that they heard it from their parents. Children have a ways of hearing us when we don’t even know they are there. Even if you think your child is in bed asleep, they will hear you swear when your favorite sports team doesn’t make a goal, or when you and your significant other are having a fight.

Children don’t just learn how to talk from us, but they learn how to treat people. If a child watches their parents treating others with respect, they are more likely to treat others with respect. They especially learn from how we treat them. If you notice that your child is talking back to you, or if they hit you out of nowhere, think about what you did the last time they acted up. Did you spank them? Did you tell them they were stupid when they got a bad grade in gym? Sometimes we don’t mean what we say and we don’t always say what we mean, but you need to be cautious around children because they will take it at face value and turn it back around on you.

Your child knows that they are a part of you. If your child sees that you are behaving, they will, too, because they are like you. You also need to watch what you say about yourself or their other parent because they will know that they are like that. If you show them that you have high self-esteem and that you treat yourself well, they will see that in themselves and bring that out in them.

Many parents think that if you set out a list of rules and punishments, that your child will behave, but there is so much more to parenting than that. If you want your child to behave and become well adjusted adults you need to show them that they can, “do as I say and as I do.”

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