by Karim Jessa

Created on: December 08, 2011   Last Updated: January 15, 2012

The newly-weds referred to here are those in countries where premarital sex is forbidden.


It's been the custom that due to the complete lack of sexual experience of the people getting married, it was the task of the best man and the best woman to explain the catastrophic events about to befall the newly wed couple on their first night.


And custom also dictates that the next day the bride huddles with the best woman, and the groom with the best man, to relate the events of the previous night. This is their final opportunity to get important information on any technical difficulties they may have faced during the night. After this, the couple will just have to figure it out through trial and error.

Over the years, the best man and woman have consistently found that their instructions for the wedding night are completely useless. The couple might as well just read an instruction manual for all the help they get from the verbal advice.


Well, you can trust human ingenuity to find a solution. There is now a new procedure put in place. The authorities don't know about this; and it's a good thing they don't. If they ever found out, they'd probably want to be in on the act.


The procedure is that instead of the best man instructing the groom, and the best woman doing the same with the bride, now it's the other way round. Early on the day of the wedding, the best man gets together with the bride, and the best woman with the groom, for instructions.


And the instructions are of a practical nature. No theories or lengthy verbal explanations. It's all down to earth practical demonstration. No problems have been reported since.


Further developments in the training of newly-weds for their ordeal of the first night of marriage.


Many of you may not be aware that in some cultures there is a custom for the friends of the newly-weds to hang around outside the bedroom where all the trials and tribulations are being experienced.


Their job is to create a lot of noise and generally disturb the two trainees within the bedroom. The reason is that the newbies get exhausted just trying to figure out how to attach the various parts for the operation.


Anyone who's ever experimented with this procedure will be aware of how slippery the parts can be. And by the time you've figured out how to attach them, the parts themselves have lost their staying power.


So these newbies would just fall asleep in exhaustion. But this was unacceptable. The in-laws would be asking for progress reports the next morning. That is why it was necessary to have the friends keep the two awake throughout the night so the work could go on.


Anyway, all that is now history. This creating of disturbance hasn't been necessary since the new procedure has been implemented.


But there's a strange consequence to this new procedure. It has been increasingly noticed that hardly any first-born resembles the father anymore.


Scientists are still seeking the cause of this strange development.

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