by Dr. Deborah Bauers

Created on: December 07, 2011

Distinguishing between caretaking and caring for others (caregiving)

Caring for others is a healthy part of living in community with those we love and enjoy meaningful relationships with.  On the other side of this continuum, however, there is another behavior that can sometimes appear healthy to outsiders when, in reality, it is not caring for others, but

caretaking for them. Some individuals have personalities that are characterized as “nurturing” and their behaviors reflect a basic concern for being supportive of other people.  But caretakers engage in activities that rescue and manipulate those around them. Though they are often unaware of it, their motivation is not primarily to meet the needs of others, but to address an unhealthy need inside themselves. Those they care take become victims, caught in the net of learned helplessness.

Understanding the origins of caretaking

Caretaking is often the result of dysfunctional family interactions that cause members to become enmeshed with one another in order to protect and survive. When this happens, family members adopt roles within the family system.  When a person assumes responsibility for the safety, survival, and decision-making of other family members he is becoming a caretaker. Over time, his own identity may come to depend on his new role.

Caring for others, on the other hand, is motivated out of a desire to offer support and help when an individual needs assistance caring for himself. Care giving means offering help and support without assuming responsibility for another person’s failures or successes in life. Caregivers assist and encourage, but stop short of taking over.

Unfortunately, caregivers can also become guilty of caretaking.  When this happens, the one being cared for begins to lose autonomy and he is denied the opportunity to do things that he is still capable of undertaking for himself. A person who is deprived of the chance to care for himself in ways that he can, often becomes overly dependent and learns to think, feel, and act as a helpless person.

Describing the dynamics of co-dependency

Caretaking often describes a primary characteristic of a codependent relationship. This means that there is a painful connectedness between the caretaker and the one being cared for.  Caretakers are often caught up in a repetitive pattern of taking control away from others because of fear.  Loss of a personal sense of importance and significance and a

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