by Rhonda Nieman

Created on: March 22, 2007   Last Updated: May 04, 2007

After you've been married for a while, you forget what your life together in the beginning was like. When my own daughter got married, all of those memories came flooding back. One of the things that I try and help them with (only if they ask for help of course) is how to deal with their own and their new partner's sexual past. Most people realize that their spouse had a life before they came into the picture; but most don't know the best way of dealing with it. Some men and women will want to know the details of their partner's previous sexual encounters, but for different reasons.

Women want to know because deep down inside she wants to hear that there has never been another woman who has made her man feel the way she can make him feel. On a physical, and more importantly on an emotional level. With women it's more about the emotional contact that let's her enjoy the act of sexual bonding. Guys you would do well to remember this when confronted with questions about your past.

Men want to know the details because they feel it necessary to prove to themselves, and their wives, that there has never been anyone who is as good as them at giving pleasure. It's a common characteristic that men have shared since the beginning of time. Men need to feel that they are the lord of the manor, the king of the castle. Women should realize that for a man to feel like this is a good thing. She can reap the benefits on so many different levels in the bedroom.

But how do you handle the details of your spouse's sexual past? There is a very thin line between knowing what you should and shouldn't share with your partner. In the end it's simple really. Ask yourself one very important question. Do you really need to know? Sure sometimes knowing is better. In today's society there is always the possibility of a sexually transmitted disease and in these instances, you should know; for your health, the health of your partner, and any children you may want to have. But if it's simply the fact that you are curious, then recognize it for what it is.

If you feel like there isn't as deep an emotional connection as you think there should be, you can find other ways to change it. If you feel like they don't look up to you like you feel you deserve, then look for the reasons behind it. My grandmother had a saying, "Your feet wouldn't stink, if you didn't keep stepping in it". The meaning is simple. If you can find a different path, you will still get to where you are going; and you'll come out in the end a lot happier if you can avoid unpleasant situations. Leave the past in the past and don't invite the ghosts into your relationship that can haunt your marriage.

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