by Robert Westfall

Created on: December 06, 2011   Last Updated: December 07, 2011

Mr. Blue & Mr. Tooth

Charles sat in his easy chair watching ESPN that last day of his otherwise normal life. At age sixty-six, gray haired, slightly pudgy with aches and pains that he talked about daily with his cronies at the Eagles, he had a hearing problem and was tired of his wife yelling: 

“Turn that damn TV down, will ya’?”

So he humbled out and went to the Hearing Center two weeks back and let the young salesman sell him the top-of-the-line hearing aids. Doug was firmly convinced that the six grand price tag—that Medicare and Charles’ supplement paid for—was nominal considering what Chuck was about to experience.

“Mr. Reiner, these are so good,” Doug said with a chuckle as he loaded Charles’ ears, “ I’ve been told that you’ll hear what people are thinking.”

As the saying goes, “never bullstein a bullstiener” so it was time the young man learned a lesson.

“Can you hear what I’m thinking?” Charles asked.

Doug studied his elder, then said, “Yes sir, I am full of that stuff, but I guarantee you these will work. Some of my clients even say they’re close to…miraculous.”

“I’ll take your word for it, Mr. Roberts,” Charles said as he rose and shook Doug’s hand. Things were fine until this morning when his right aid said in a strong, male voice:

“Battery low…battery low.” Chuck was watching Pittsburgh Steeler’s highlights and didn’t want to jump up right then so he ignored them. Five minutes later it stated in an authoritative voice:

“Mr. Reiner, we need your attention!”

Are they supposed to do that? Charles thought. He immediately went and got three # 312 batteries—he knew he’d drop one and lose it—and installed them then sat back with a Bud and Dan Patrick. Soon he was drifting off but was awakened sharply with another command.

“Charles, wake up! If you want to become wealthy, we must move now.”

Charles sat up, startled. “Who’s there?” he yelled. “Don’t make me get my gun.”

“No, Charles,” it said, “I’m your right ear again. You may call me Mr. Right if you’d like, but we really need to get to the mall.”

“Why, what’s there that I need?”

“Security, my friend, security. Whenever you have a cash flow problem, I can help. Now don’t

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