by Jacob Woods

Created on: November 27, 2011

You've come to the conclusion that it's time for your parents know you're gay. But wait a minute, there are a couple of things you should consider before telling your ma and pa about your sexual orientation. Are they going to be happy for you? Are they going to be indifferent? If you are still living with them, are they going to ask you to live elsewhere or could they take away certain privileges? Only after answering these questions should you fully come out to your parents. And here is the why and the how to.

If your parents are affiliated with a religious establishment that teaches homosexuality is a sin and a lifestyle choice that causes people to be depressed, promiscuous, and at higher risk for sexually transmitted diseases, they could immediately begin thinking of your safety. Sometimes they could react with anger or with sadness saying that they are uncomfortable with your choice. In other cases they may just be concerned that you would be exposed to an “unsafe” lifestyle. With this, they may choose to take away privileges or worse, ask you pack your stuff and leave.

So how do you approach this? First, try to see where they stand. If you already know where they stand, try to educate them on lgbt issues by bringing up that you came across information on gays and lesbians that conflicts what you have been told elsewhere. Say that you heard homosexuality is not a choice and that you are perhaps wondering what they think of the matter. Share with them some information to see how they respond. If they get upset, don't push it any further and wait until you are out of the house to come out. This way you can establish your own security before coming out.

Sometimes parents may be indifferent or even happy for you for coming out. Sometimes parents will have conversations about your sexual orientation before you even come out. If you feel your parents may feel this way about it, be on the look out for what they say about you. My mother once said to her friend, “I don't think Jacob is going to have children.” That is when I realized my mom had thought that I might be gay. But, nonetheless, she didn't consider that I might adopt children.

If parents are open about it, the best way to approach might be to tell them in person and educate them more about lgbt issues. I had to clarify to my mother that I could still adopt children and that I was a bit offended by her words when I came out to her. But, she was very open and loving.

Sometimes it is best to sit down and get comfortable when you come out to your parents. Perhaps invite someone who is very supportive of you to help you through as the coming out process can be very helpful. This can set a neutral scene that is comfortable as well as safe for everyone involved.

Before coming out, have a practice conversation with a close friend. This can give you the tools needed to respond to a variety of different responses your parents might have. But be careful not to become robotic. You want the conversation to be as genuine as possible as this will help make the conversation smooth and effective.

Coming out to your parents can be a great way to open up relationships but can also be possibly damaging. It is good to have an idea of where your parents stand before coming out. It's also important to be prepared for several different responses by practicing your conversation with a friend. And if it makes the conversation easier, try inviting someone who is supportive of you to have that conversation with.

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