by Christopher Luke

Created on: November 24, 2011

What is it with me today?
In my mind I feel my head is in a spin.
Round and round in circles I go.
With no sign of stopping and yet with no sense of direction.
I do not know whether to come, stay or go,
But I do know that today I find it impossible to still my mind
From anxious thoughts and feeling I am drifting.

I cannot pin down the exact reason or reasons,
But today I feel at a loss as to where I should be or go.

I search in vain for familiar persons to give me direction
But find they too are gone and I am now left alone
To follow my instincts wherever they lead me,
But without a map and a compass to guide me I feel uncomfortable
And yet, simultaneously, uncomfortable and unsure whether to stay where I am.

What is it with me today?
I do not feel I belong to anyone or anything, anywhere and everywhere.
I am at a loss as to what to say or do, or where to go.
I feel like a piece of rubble,
Drifting with little or no sense of direction;
And yet, somehow, with the help of a person or force greater than myself.
Somehow managing not to drown in an ocean of loneliness and despair.

Today as I remember loved ones now past and gone
I feel starved of the inner-peace they once afforded me,
Deprived of the security one feels when one is in control
Of things unseen and events which have still to come.
"Worry not about tomorrow for tomorrow will look after itself" I unsuccessfully try to tell myself
Yet today I cannot fully let go of the past;
Trying unsuccessfully, to reach out and control tomorrow,
Without being capable of appreciating the here and now.

I feel weary, too exhausted to go on,
And empty, as without a companion by my side to love and support me
I feel excluded and isolated, void of any incentive,
To keep going on days like this
When I feel overwhelmed by the pace of change;
And worry as to how I will cope in future
As I daily face the battlefield of living a solitary life.
I arrive here, feeling battered and torn,
Sensing that here, at least, I am not alone;
Knowing that somehow, although God alone knows how, we have all survived
To live to see another day
When all around and even within us at times appears cold and dark
With precious little light or warmth to cheer our way.

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