by Dr. Deborah Bauers

Created on: November 18, 2011   Last Updated: November 25, 2011

When young children are present in the home where there is an autistic child, parents face the challenges of what, when and how to teach siblings about a brother or sister who behaves differently.  Information that is given to other kids in the family about autism should be age-appropriate and focus, not just on differences, but ways to connect. Self-awareness and the ability to feel empathy for others are generally needed before a young child is emotionally and cognitively ready to understand the basics of autism. It is never too early, however, to begin modeling kindness for other children who seem "different" and to reshape the idea of "strange" into "special" or "unique."

A very young child cannot understand that autism is a disorder. Parents, however, can help a preschooler begin to grasp and accept some basic concepts about what it means to have an autistic brother or sister. As he grows, matures, and develops the ability to think abstractly, he will naturally ask questions. Then he is ready to begin to grasp some of the challenges that an autistic child faces. Basic introductory ideas for helping young children learn about autism should involve all of the following:

1. Explaining that although a sibling may not openly smile or laugh when others around him are doing so, it doesn’t mean that he does not have feelings.

The best way to help a small child understand lack of obvious emotion is to tell him that his brother or sister is doing his smiling or laughing on the inside.  As a child gets older, this idea can be expanded to include awareness of the challenges that a child with autism faces in connecting to the world around him in the same way as other children.

2. Helping a preschooler understand that an autistic sibling often has trouble expressing what he is feeling, so he acts it out.

Most small children can grasp the concept of “charades,” of what it means to guess what someone is doing, thinking, or feeling.  You can use this game to illustrate the importance of accepting a brother or sister who has emotional outbursts in the absence of language.

It is helpful to explain that this may not be acceptable behavior for children who can easily talk about what they are feeling, but is sometimes the only way an autistic sibling can express himself.

3. Explaining that an autistic sibling sometimes appears not to listen, but this does not mean that he does not care.

Young

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