by Christopher Riner

Created on: March 22, 2007   Last Updated: February 15, 2012

As a divorcee, I would have wanted someone to help me in the following ways:

1. Be understanding
Even though the coworker might not show it, he/she is hurting. You can be understanding by just listening to the person. Most people who are going through the divorce wants someone to listen. Listen to the hurts and the likes. No matter how wishy-washy the stories, just listen. One day, they will hate the person they're divorcing and the next, they will be wanting to stay with the person.

2. Give them some room when asked
I know that it sounds like a contradiction to #1, but it is not. This means that if they want to be alone with their thoughts, let them. Sometimes being alone is the only solace they get. It gives them time to lick their wounds and heal any hurt.

3. Do not say that you understand if you have never been there
If you have never been divorced, do not say that you understand what they are going through. It is demeaning to the thought process that they are going through.

4. Work with the tears and anger
Remember how it felt to scrape your knee? You had tears and anger then too. This hurt that they are going through is like that, yet deeper. There is going to be some tears and anger. Anger directed at either themselves or others (not necessarily the person they're divorcing).

5. Ask them how they are feeling and listen to them
Sometimes, how they are feeling will help you to know what to do next. Are they lonely? Are they sad? Are they angry?

6. Take them out.
This means to take them away from the source of hurt. If they are at home, take them to a movie, out to eat, or somewhere they like to be. Whatever you do, make sure to listen to anything they might say or do.

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