by sammie edwards

Created on: March 21, 2007   Last Updated: May 17, 2007

YOU ARE ALWAYS A PARENT:TIPS FOR PARENTING ADULT CHILDREN

Isn't it a wonderful thing when your children have grown up? Isn't that really the end result of what we are striving for as we raise them? But the fact is, whatever age they are, they are still our "children".

I believe there are 3 phases of the growing up stage. I would like to give you my opinion of those phases and my tips for parenting each phase.

The first phase would be the years immediately following graduation from high school.These are the beginnings of adulthood.This is the time when you can still parent pretty much as if they were still totally yours. The only thing I really did different at this time was to give them freedom from my "house rules" and, to a point, freedom from my finances. I would never let them go without food or electricity, but, it is the time for them to learn responsibility. This is the time when they are truly figuring out what life is, what they want it to be, and what it takes to get there.

The second phase is the years immediately following college. This is the transition into the real world. To me, this is where parenting is hardest. It seemed every converstion I had with my kids at this point started with the words, "this is just a suggestion" followed by what I knew would be the right thing. But you have got to word it in such a way as to let them make the choice. When they make the wrong choice, in your eyes, you don't say I told you so. I had to keep reminding myself that this is the process that makes them who and what they are when they are my age.

The third phase would be the marriage and children(not even strictly in that order) years. I believe this is the greatest time in the life of a parent. I had to be a parent for all these years so I could earn the privelege of being their friend now.
Now is the time when they call you and want your advice. Now is the time when they confide in you.

Last, but not at all least, there will be the moment when you see that your adult child is acting exactly like you with their child. There are no words to describe that.
Your heart feels too full and you know that it was worth every minute.

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