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by Rachelle de Bretagne

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As a child, I was ridiculed for being different. I grew up wondering what I had done wrong to become this freak that my parents made me out to be. Why ? Because I was a kid that didn't relate to other kids well. My reasons were logical looking back on it, although it took me years to have the confidence and self esteem that every child is entitled to, as each person has value.

My story started when I was eight years old. My parents fostered other people's children, and somehow the childhood of their own children took the back burner. We became useful. I remember being told to get out of bed nightly to clean up after foster children that had vomited. It even caused me to have a phobia about vomit which still haunts me today.

I ran away and was placed in care, and was made to feel totally worthless. The worthlessness continued for many years, and was reinforced by bad experiences with foster parents, and failure at relationships, though looking back, had my parents raised me differently, they would have recognized that I do indeed have talents. They would have made my journey through life much easier, and parents that reinforce the value of their children give their kids a head start in life that not only means that their child will be more confident, but that the child can recognize their own value as a human being.

Mistakes that parents make last a long time through life, and in my case, the mistakes my parents made haunted me for years. Without parental praise or encouragement, I had to find my own self esteem, and to search very hard to find out that I did indeed have value. It may sound like the weakness was with me, rather than my parents but my facts on self esteem are from my own experience, and the ways in which my parents could have helped are:

1. When I did things that were good, like playing the piano, I was always criticized. They noticed the bad notes, though never praised my achievements.

2. I was set apart from the other kids in the family and labeled a difficult child. Perhaps I was, although even difficult children have values that need nourishing. In my case, I lost myself in books, and was labeled as anti social, although my parents never stopped to ask why, or encouraged interaction with others.

3. My parents saw only the bad in me. It wasn't hard. After I went in care, they were not permitted to foster children any more, and of course the reason was always that I had been difficult.

I am an adult now, though I don't remember an awful lot of positive things about childhood. It should have been a fun time. It was a nightmare. Parents that do not raise children with self esteem need seriously to look at their own values and find it within themselves to be able to overcome the obstacles that stop them from giving children encouragement, because a child with self esteem will succeed in life much quicker than a child that has to find the self esteem on their own, balancing their ideas of themselves against the negativity of their parents views of who they are.

With help and encouragement, children flower into adults that have values and positive ideas about their lives, and become achievers with goals that they know they can fulfill. Without parental help and understanding, so many of our children are in an identity crisis with themselves just as I was all those years ago, and if my parents had taken the time to praise me when praise was due, to encourage my artistic flair instead of stifling it, to appreciate that I loved classical music, instead of making fun of it, I may have grown up quicker. I may have accepted that I was a valid human being, and I may just have found happiness a lot earlier than I did. I won a poetry prize at 8 years old, and my parents laughed at my poems and ridiculed my writing skills. I sang solo in the choir for the recording of church music, and all the other parents attended except mine, who sang in high pitched screaches around me. They could have made me feel pride as well as humility. Instead, they added to my anxiety about who I was and the value that I had as a human being.

Giving encouragement and positivity to a child, realizing that each has their strengths and weaknesses, and making their strengths shine, puts a child on the road to successful life. My parents failed. Don't make those mistakes with your children.

Learn more about this author, Rachelle de Bretagne.

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