The passage of your child from innocence to knowledge is an important step, and only in realizing that it is a natural progression can you help that child to understand their adjustment, and at the same time mature as a parent.

We're all new to the experience the first time with our kids. We learn as we go along and we all make mistakes along the way and learn from seeing others making similar mistakes. It's a hit and miss experience, although preparing yourself for it with your children makes the transition easier, not only for them, but for you as well.

The adjustment will be a difficult one. Nurturing parents think automatically of the innocence of the child, though steps in preparation for the time when a child becomes sexually active should be discussed between parents, and involve children. Knowing that your children are aware of safety for example take a lot of burden away from parents and in this respect, be aware that although values change between generations, the rules of morality are pretty much the same.

For example, if your daughter decides that she is ready to have a sexual relationship, is it not your duty as a parent to tell her about protection, and to give her some moral values to work with. Prohibiting children from doing something that their hormones tell them they want to do doesn't help them, and certainly will make you, as a parent, hot under the collar and rigid in your attitude. It is far better to prepare both yourself and that child, in order to give them the very best chance in life, although it's a two edged sword. Knowledge as a parent that your child is balanced and well informed takes away much of the burden of acceptance in the long run.

By talking about consequence without judgment and comparison, your child learns the rights and wrongs, and the logical sequences that help them make their own decisions. At some time, children don't want their parents to make decisions for them, so the best that any parent can do is to realize that their children are becoming adults that will make their own decisions, and to work towards understanding between themselves and the child that will lead to the child making the right and informed decisions that make their transition to sexually active a positive one, rather than stigmatic and difficult, covert and hidden.

In preparing a child and talking to them openly about the feelings and emotions that one feels when becoming a sexually active person, what the parent is doing is reinforcing their own acceptance of the inevitable, which is extremely healthy. Sex isn't dirty. It isn't a terrible crisis, unless you make it one, and in teaching a child to be prepared, you teach yourself as a parent to accept that your little bird is ready to spread their wings, and give them the best possible start, not by being judge-mental, but by leading them by the hand into a change in their life that is every bit as natural as their first steps were. If you handled that and the potty training, the first days at school, the college acceptance or the choice of a child to leave education, then acceptance of their sexual activity becomes just another progression towards becoming a balanced adult.

Accept the inevitable, whilst making the road ahead less scary for the child, and in doing so, it becomes less scary for you.

Learn more about this author, Rachelle de Bretagne.
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