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by Alan Fernald

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Two basic rules that all parents must remember are:

Rule #1: Children are people too!
Rule #2: Children are NOT little adults!

Today's children are growing up too fast. I have actually heard some say that this is because children are "maturing" at ever earlier ages. I flatly reject that assumption, and in fact, I firmly believe that this 'forced aging' of our children is the cause for many of the issues families are now facing with their pre-teen and teenaged children.

Unfortunately for parents, most of this forced aging is caused by peer pressure, and thus, is beyond their control. But, I lay a large portion of the blame on our educational system, and their tolerance for behavior that would have earned prior generations a trip out behind the wood shed with their father.

Our children's self-esteem is under attack from the first moment that they are placed under peer pressure to "have a boyfriend" (age nine), party hearty to the raunchiest hip-hop (age ten), or to perform coed "sleepovers" (age twelve). Then when parents tell their children that this is inappropriate, the child is subjected to friends calling them immature, baby, etc...

When my daughter was in fourth grade, she was shown her first 'human sexuality' video, covering (fortunately) the female reproductive system. Than fifth grade rolled around, and she was shown the followup video covering the male reproductive system.

What ARE we teaching our children? Teaching them sex education before they are even out of elementary school? Then we wonder why there is so much pressure to have sex at such young ages? I'm wondering if the children found having sex in the back of the sixth grade classroom (yes, it was during class) had just finished watching these videos and were simply checking their veracity...

What happens to the self-esteem of our children when they have such great pressure put on them to be 'mature', when they are only eleven years old?

Our children are not adults who simply haven't reached full size. They are children, and they are people. They must be shown respect, and they must be taught self-respect. They must know what is right and what is wrong, and that is the parents' responsibility. They must be taught they can be good people without bowing to peer pressure.

They must be taught that their mother and their father, even if living separately, will stand behind them and provide all support possible. They must be taught that they can stand on their own two feet, without depending on their 'peers' to approve of their 'goodie two-shoes' behavior.

We teach them to say 'no' to drugs, we warn them about tobacco and alcohol. We should be just as open in teaching them that their friends are not worth their own self-respect.

Learn more about this author, Alan Fernald.

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