by Rachel Howells

Created on: August 30, 2011   Last Updated: October 16, 2011

Her favorite time of day was early morning, as the sun climbed from the horizon. It didn't matter to Hannah what the weather brought, only that a new day had arrived with the glorious dawn. The old traumas of night could be left in the dark purgatory of her memory.

She savored these solitary moments, before her daughter awoke, in their new home overlooking the Pacific. Every morning she took her cup of tea and sat in a lotus position on her outside deck. She'd concentrate on the ocean, meditating on the mysterious wisdom of nature and God. She envisaged her body, soul and mind uniting with the elements of the Earth and all creation, until a tingling sensation took root in her brain and massaged its way down the length of her body.

The feeling of connectedness was so intense that if a tsunami had risen up to engulf her, she was certain her entire being would become fluid. All the parts of her would gently disperse into the waves, and she’d be reborn.

By the end of her morning ritual, Hannah was often overwhelmed with such a sense of peace and love that she couldn’t remember ever not feeling so whole and complete. Yet for most of Hannah's life she was indeed incomplete and disconnected, from both her surroundings and herself.

She was born at midnight into a cruel world, where survival of the mind was constantly in doubt. She learned that if her body could survive the predators that fed their sick desires on cherub flesh, her mind would eventually wake up in a flood of light. It was in those quiet hours, when the monsters lay sleeping, that Hannah learned to breathe and gather strength for the tribulations she would again face after the sun had set.

She became so adept at detaching her mind from her physical self that she could endure all manner of pain, without so much as a grimace. However, if Hannah didn't find some beacon of hope in her bleak world, she was in danger of losing herself entirely.

Who really knows what sparks the light necessary to illuminate the darkness. It's different for everyone. Some will never find the spark, others won't recognize it, but a few will see. For Hannah it was the sparkle in her newborn's eyes with the first rays of the morning sun.

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