by Clara Pasieka

Created on: August 19, 2011   Last Updated: August 21, 2011

Meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time can be a bit nerve-wracking. Maybe you are afraid you will accidentally break her mother’s very-best-china-from-Aunt-Irma or spill gravy on your shirt and let out a swear word. However, while either of these (unlikely) occurrences would be unfortunate, being prepared for the evening should help you recover from these or other episodes. 

What to wear

If you are meeting her parents for dinner in their home, a tie and dinner jacket should not be necessary. A football jersey, on the other hand, might be going too far in the other direction. It is best to go with a slightly classier version of what you would normally wear. For example, a classic polo shirt and a nice pair of jeans should suffice.

What to bring

Bringing a small gift, such as a bottle of wine or a small bunch of flowers, is appropriate and shows your sensitivity. You might want to ask your girlfriend if she knows of any particular type of wine her parents like. However, don’t overdo your gift-giving or you risk making her parents feel uncomfortable. 

Upon arrival

They know who you are, but a handshake and a brief introduction will, of course, be necessary. Once settled, the best way to begin to make small talk is to allow yourself to take in their home. Maybe you notice a book on the coffee table that you’ve also read and can strike up a conversation with her dad about the author. The important thing here is not what you talk about, but that you are genuine. If you’ve never read Salman Rushdie don’t pretend you have to sound smarter. At the same time, curiosity about the interests of her parents as long as it is genuine and not nosey can showcase you well. 

Fielding difficult questions

Let’s face it, sometimes it might seem like they’re grilling you when they ask you about your current employment or what you want to do with the rest of your life. Even if grilling you is not their intention, when you are unhappy with your answers it can color their perceptions of you. It can be helpful for both your own self-image as well as the impression you are leaving with her parents to frame things in the positive. For instance, “I’m really focusing on getting good grades in my classes instead of trying to balance work and school” sounds a lot better than, “I don’t have a job”. Similarly, “I’m exploring several options for myself right now; I know that I really love history and would like to work in that field” sounds better than, “I don’t know”. Having said that, remind yourself that even if it feels that way, it is not an interview and more times than not, parents are genuinely just trying to get to know you. 

Be yourself

Remember why they are having you over. When all is said and done, her parents want to meet the boy or man their daughter cares so much about. They don’t want to meet a robot boyfriend with no personality. Don’t be afraid to let some of your sense of humour shine through. Ninety-nine percent of the time, they want to like you, because they want their daughter to be with a good person that makes her happy. If you already satisfy this criteria, the little things you do during the nerve-wracking evening are just the icing on the cake. 

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