by Janette Dengo

Created on: August 11, 2011   Last Updated: December 08, 2011

Tearing down the walls…

I found myself at the bottom of the deep dark oasis pit the other day when my eyes flooded with tears and my heart engorged with blood from the gashing wounds of the years’ endured pain, heartaches, broken friendship, betrayal from family, deaths, the dealings society seems to bombard us humans with and oh so much more. 

There has to be a point in everyone’s life when we feel there isn’t possibly anything that can hurt us anymore as we build walls to guard our heart.  But there is.  Just when you may feel the slightest comfort on a way up from the bottomless pits of hell, reaching for the light that makes you feel light and peaceful, at ease fully believing that all will be well again as we cling to hope, something out of the darkness grabs you by the leg and pulls you right down again.  I’m so tired.  It’s an endless roller-coaster ride that I want so badly to get off. 

The society causes people to be vicious, manipulative, poisonous greedy little liars and I’m sick of it.

People think I’m strong all the time, I’m not.  I break like everyone else.  I’m not a superwoman.  I eat kryptonite for breakfast every day.

My life has been challenging, full of endured hardships of life’s experiences.  Is this what makes us blend with society on the other end’s spectrum?  I had an abusive father and watched him destroy my childhood as we bravely escaped my country at my pre-teens and landed in a foreign country refugee camp for 6 months. 

Coming to Canada was a blessing but before I could count my blessings I had to learn English & take the punches of bullies calling me names & making fun of me.  Standing for myself became empowering, although scarring memories have remained.

At the end of my teenage years, gone through 2 failed relationships, a start to a spiritual awakening and a series of flooding memories and nightmares from my past at the same time nearly broke me.  “Why am I on Earth?” was my only question I wanted answered.

I pursued a college decision and followed through, not really knowing how and why I just kind of floated on a daily basis for the next two years nearly graduating with honours, while being stuck with a huge student loan and no job.

When I finally scored a decent job I met my now husband.  Life became a little happier.  Until the decision of moving

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