My husband and I made a classic mistake many parents make when we had our second child (and no, I do not mean my son was a mistake).

We referred to my son as "the baby" when speaking to our then 21 month old son. This wasn't so much of a problem at first but just about when the habit was in full force we started to notice that our son was beginning to be a little jealous of "the baby".

What had started out as a simple referral had turned into something that made my almost three year old son feel less special. He was Mikal, but Noah was "the baby."

Believe me, this wasn't intentional. I had never dreamed that I would do something that would alienate and hurt my older child. So what did I do? I started referring to Noah by his name and also telling Mikal that he was "a big boy."

This worked for awhile, however soon my son decided that he didn't want to be the big boy. He wanted to be the baby. Big boys, he thought, always seemed to get into trouble while the baby seemed to get cuddled.

My big boy then regressed some. His potty training went out the window and he began to pretend whine and cry like a baby. I was at my wit's end! What was I going to do?

I thought back to why Mikal wanted to be the baby. I realized that I had made him feel that the baby was special and better than he was. The baby gets rocked to sleep, doesn't have to potty train, and doesn't get spankings when he does something wrong. I decided that the only way to solve our problem was to make Mikal feel like being the big boy was special too.

He began getting star stickers when he went potty or ate all his food. I bought him special big boy outside toys. I took him to a movie at a movie theater that the baby was too little to see. He has little tablets that go into his bath that turn the water colors that the baby can't use.

It worked! I was worried, though, that eventually Noah "the baby" would start to notice Mikal's special things as he got older and feel left out. I knew that I would slowly start letting Noah do the "big boy things" when he became old enough to do so. I was concerned, however, that Mikal wouldn't want Noah to participate in being a big boy. . . but I was wrong! I kept catching Mikal telling Noah to be a big boy so he could!

In the end, our little mistake turned out to be a good tool to help both my boys go through the "am I a baby. . . or a big boy?" stage. I still wouldn't recommend referring to your younger children as "the baby", believe me, it can do more harm than good!

Learn more about this author, Lindsey Stell.
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