by Melody Hearndon

Created on: August 05, 2011   Last Updated: August 07, 2011

Are relationships toxic because of differences or are relationships different because they are toxic? Perhaps it’s a combination of the two, however when multiplied by the fact that it’s a parent, there comes a time when a decision must be made that’s in the best interest of the adult child so as a certain closure can take place in spite of the difficult yet necessary choice to be made.

For some the choice is easy and for others, it’s difficult so they sit on the fence so to speak; out of fear that no matter the cost albeit physically, financially, or emotionally… a bad relationship is better than no relationship. They continue to grovel for crumbs that are tossed in their direction, and like puppets, are once again manipulated by a toxin they are unable to live without.

Perhaps that sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve witnessed this in your own family or other families? Nevertheless, it’s there and for whatever reason we can choose to live with it, though we hold disdain and regret, or move on and remove ones person from such a toxic environment.

Toxins are known poisons. Sadly, people can be toxic in nature, therefore causing others harm unnecessarily. When it’s a parent, the emotional turmoil that’s ever present, calls for a decision that’s both gut-wrenching, yet vital in order for peace to ensue. Sadly, people don’t’ always change and when the best you can hope for is to live amicably within the same family structure, it’s up to you to change how you react and or respond to that known toxic parent.

There are times when people disappoint you and hurt you. That is an unfortunate fact of life. We are taught to forgive others that have harmed us. We are even asked and expected to forgi the “ unforgivable” and for some it’s easier said than done, but nevertheless…we forgive.

Perhaps you were not given a choice to end a toxic relationship with a parent because they made the choice for you their own way? It happens more so than not, and we are forced to live with their choice and let it go. It’s the proverbial idea that “One day, you’ll thank me for this!” That’s a lesson only you can know from experience, and one only you can understand at heart.

Ending a toxic relationship with a parent doesn’t always mean you stop loving them. You can love someone even if you don’t like the kind of person they are. Children don’t get the choice of who their parents will be, and parents don’t get to choose who they will give birth too. What starts out as a fair playing field for both children and parents can end up a family travesty and no one…wins!

It’s painful to end a relationship and to describe how painful it is when it’s a parent is unbearable at best. Anyone who has experienced this no matter how or why the relationship ended understands all too well the emotions and more so the…cost.

I’ve learned the fine art of what it means to love someone from a distance. It’s a distance that one learns to embrace when there’s no other option. It’s difficult, but it’s also what’s best for me in many ways. Would I change it if I thought for a second it mattered…Yes! Unfortunately, it only matters to me. That’s the cost I pay.

When once asked “what exactly do you want from me?” I answered…just your time. Sadly, that was the one thing you could afford yet never gave. Perhaps the final cost is more than the eye can see?

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