by Christyl Rivers

Created on: August 04, 2011   Last Updated: August 05, 2011

Children learn values by what they see others do, say, and most of all what they see others get excited about.

Children who see a parent head over heels obsessed with a hot new sports car, or a popular Television show on the big screen, will rightly realize that parent has more time for the distraction, than for interaction. 

Children observe all of this, and although they may be unconscious of it, they learn to value what they are taught is of value.

Conversely, a child accompanied by a parent who takes time to talk, read, tell stories, take walks, give appreciation and respect to others and to the greater world, will come to value all of these things. It is cliché, yet true, that children learn what they live.

A child raised around any obsession be it social, athletic, partying, farming, religious, or whatever, is going to result in a child ultimately, deciding for or against those values, and usually quite strongly.

All of us have seen a child in a crowded store, or shopping mall, with a parent who is totally ignoring that child, or worse, only giving attention to the child’s negative behaviors. This is what teaches children that whining, screaming, running wild, and being obnoxious, is what gives them the most interest and attention from that parent.

It is also true of teachers, and every other person the child interacts with, of course. Many of us also observe parents talking on cell phones, chatting with friends and mates, and ignoring that the child too, is a human being with needs.

Sometimes, we observe parents totally focused on a sports game, or on drinking and partying with others, who just don’t have time for their kids.  Another example is the parent who is totally absorbed in finding that perfect outfit, or their career, or some video game. In fact, the list of diversions that adults value over kids is infinite!

Kids, after all are labor intensive. They crave attention. They will act well, or they will act horribly, accordingly, and not always act predictably, or on cue.

Children learn terrible manners from parents who have terrible manners, but they also learn them from parents who just don’t take time to help a child realize how to be better received and appreciated by others.

What values should we teach children? Do we have any right to judge what values DO matter? Too often, parents neglect to realize what values they model, and that some values are simply social lubricants to help children

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>