2 of 4

Write now Article Tools

Any parent who has more than one child has experienced the bewilderment when they realize that what worked for the first child is failing miserably with the second. And then numbers three and four come along, and we have to admit to ourselves that they're all very different and we're basically clueless as to how to manage them. So, where does that leave us, as parents, in our relationships with these children?

First, we need to have a certain number of rules in the house that are consistently the same for every child. These are the non-negotiable rules (usually to do with their safety and often with their character) which must not be broken under any circumstances. The children are all aware of these rules early on, and the parents need to enforce them consistently. This is very important as most children are very good at spotting when a sibling has been able to get away with something that he himself has been disciplined for.

Second, the parents need to work out what makes their child "tick". This is very important when deciding what form of discipline to use when the rules are broken. While one child may be brought back in line simply with a stern word or two, the next child seems to be intent on ruling his own little world with his own little fist. Every child has some privileges that are more important to him than others, and it's often very effective to remove one of these important privileges while he decides to cooperate with the parent. And while this particular child will complain loudly that "it's not fair" that he got this particular punishment while his brother just got a lecture, the point to make is that this is what it took for him to obey. In order to avoid it in future, all he needs to remember is to follow the rule and obey his parents.

Third, a wonderful way to build a good relationship with each child is to spend one-on-one time with her on a regular basis. This obviously needs to be done equally with every child, however the choice of activity should vary with each child depending on their character and interests. This is a marvelous way for parents to learn more about how their child's personality is developing and to find out what the child needs from the parents.
Ultimately, though, any child who has siblings will feel that he is getting treated unfairly by the parent every now and then. But then, life isn't always fair, and the child who learns to deal with that and move on has learned another important life lesson.

Learn more about this author, Lucy Bond.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Treating your kids fairly even if they behave differently?
We want to hear your view. Write now!