by Logan Andrear

Created on: March 20, 2007   Last Updated: December 15, 2011

Sexual harassment, pornography, physical abuse, illegal drugs, or just plain incompetence. Sure, those will get you fired, but they've been done before. Where's the fun in that. For a real good time you have to work at getting fired. Try these:

1. Any time your boss asks you to do something respond by saying, "you're not the boss of me."

2. Constantly decline work assignments as 'against my religion'. After about the fourth time you use this excuse call HR (presumably while your boss is still in your cube) and claim religious persecution. When they ask what your religion is tell them revealing the name is also against your religion.

3. When someone enters you cube interrupt them before they can speak with, "sorry, but today is my day off."

4. Never get anyone's name correct but always miss by just a letter. Instead of Mary call her Terry. Instead of Nick call him Rick. When they correct you say, "yeah right. I'm not falling for that one again."

5. Every time your boss finishes a sentence during a meeting cough and say, "bullcrap." The key is to act like you are coughing but still speak clearly enough so everyone understands what you are saying.

6. Stroll through the office casually wearing sunglasses singing, "my future's so bright I gotta wear shades."

7. Spend an entire work day landscaping the company building by removing any existing flowers and planting flowers of your own. Every time someone walks by say, "man this really needed to be done." Bonus points if you can arrange the flowers to spell out a bad word.

8. Every time you answer your phone make sure you use your company's biggest competitor in your greeting. Microsoft employees could answer with, "thank you for calling Apple. This is Bob. How can I help you?"

9. When your boss gives you an assignment say, "right. I'm on it. Now who do I assign this to?"

10. Finish every sentence with, "because that's how I roll."

Persistence is the key. Doing any of these once is not likely to get you fired. If you can make it through the entire list before getting axed then you have the dream job. You can probably stop showing up and you'll still receive a paycheck.

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