by David Braybrooke

Created on: March 20, 2007   Last Updated: September 21, 2010

When a parent likes a child better than another in a family setting, it is very important that they display great sensitivity concerning this.  Otherwise the long term damage to the family structure may be extremely devastating and far-reaching.  The following is a list of recommended ideas concerning favouritism in families:

~  Personal preferences may be difficult not to have but it is crucial that as a parent you be as democratic as possible when relating to your children.  Showing favoritism can be very destructive and even though your natural likes and dislikes are sometimes hard to fathom or even effectively control it is important to try and show fair treatment and equal rules to all of your children.  Children are often highly sensitive and can sense if a sibling is receiving preferential treatment.  This can lead to arguments and upsets and if you do start to notice an imbalance in your behavior towards your children it often helps to have a pep talk with the child or children that feel aggrieved about the inequality.  Perhaps telling that you love them and giving them a special surprise to raise spirits may be all that is required to re-establish an emotional balance in the family space.

~  When it comes to birthdays or Christmas, it is a good idea to make sure that the value and size of each child's present is roughly the same.  Nothing seems to irk children more than seeing a brother of sister receiving more valuable presents and when this happens it will likely lead to arguments and petty fighting.  In the event that you are aware of your preference for one child over another it often helps to analyze your feelings concerning this and question the reasons for this.  Perhaps it is owing to a simple matter of greater compatibility of personalities and a subsequent stronger affinity occurring.  Or it may actually be pointing to the fact that you haven't spent adequate time with a particular child or children, and therefore a greater effort in doing this may be all it takes to correct this imbalance.

~  Playing and spending time with all your children equally can sometimes be achieved if group activities are enjoyed together.  Sports in the backyard or family games around the dinner time can be a great way for all members to feel as though time is being shared fairly and it also gives a parent a great chance to get to know everyone a bit better.  In some cases, a little more family time spent together is all it takes to strengthen overall family bonds and relationships.  Alternatively, it is often a great idea if a parent makes a conscious effort to spend individually allotted time with their children in order to enjoy a special activity or pastime that specifically appeals to each child.  This can improve family ties and often leads to a greater liking between a parent and child as something special is being shared which can act as a basis for greater communication and rap-all.

As a parent, if you do naturally find that you have a greater liking for one of your children, it is important that you don't heavily criticize yourself for this.  Feeling guilty for a matter that may be very hard to find reasons for will likely be a counterproductive course.  Try to affirm all your children equally and make sure to include yourself in this too.  We are all unique individuals who possess admirable qualities so it may help to focus on the best in others and to make sure that you give credit where credit is due.  Help others to feel better about themselves and the happiness and likability of the whole family should improve out of sight.

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