by Courtney Petrella

Created on: July 31, 2011

Honestly, there are many disipline mistakes that we as parents make. My child is going on five years old, and has ADHD, ODD, and impulse control problems. As a mother of a child with these difficult problems, I had to get help, for him, and me.

Number one - DO NOT make empty threats. Be sure,that if you say it, you mean it. If you yourself know it is an empty threat,nine times out of ten so, does he. If you say to them, "one more time, and your going in timeout", mean it. And follow through every time! If you do not..the behavior will continue,because they are not going to take you seriously. If it even comes down to a warning, saying, "If you do not settle down, we are leaving this store", then do it! No matter the consequence and problems it makes for you. If you follow through with it just one time, sometimes that is all it takes.

Number two - Do not stoop down to his/her level of arguing over a situation, kids are less likely to fall back or quit,they can go on and on. When it comes down to them wating to keep a argument going, just because, they want their way, you need to do, "Planned Ignoring". It may kill you to do it, because of whats coming out of their mouths,but if you show that you really are not listening..they give up. I should know, I have to use it almost daily.  I know with my son, he wants to be the center of attention, and it KILLS him for me to ignore him, but i do it. He then quits, walks around for a moment and comes and gives me a hug, then always asks, "Mama, are you mad at me?" That is my cue, to explain the situation, and why his behavior was not acceptable, and I get a "sorry, and an I love you".

Number 3 - Not giving them any options. You are the parent, the ruler,the friend. You can not always assume you are right, many times I have been too hard on my son, and not bothered to help him make the right decision. I had just assumed he could. So, if I get a tantrum about only getting two pieces of candy, I ask "OK, do you want two pieces or none at all"? He obviously replies with, "two". OK, problem solved. I have to give many options a day like this. But, it keeps things calm, and you are still in control of the situation, they just do not realize it.

Number four - Screaming and yelling back to the child. You just can not do it. In my experience, it is not effective. I found when he starts to have a meltdown, I need to get down to eye level, and say in a calm voice, "stop, and look at me". And he always does, and looks me in the eye. I calmly explain the situation, and come up with a solution quickly. You have to be a quick thinker with children. I can usually resolve the tantrum within minutes, by either diverting their attention to something else quickly, or just a simple talk. If you scream and yell back, they think, ""okay, so this is how we handle things here, I need to yell every time I want something".

Number 5 - Not giving the child the benefit of the doubt. Kids are kids. They push people to their limits, just to see the outcome. They touch everything, because they are curious, they cry when upset, because they feel overwhelmed. Do not get me wrong, there are many times I feel I could just scream, but, also there have been times where I had to sit and think about his position, and realize that not always are they up to something. Sometimes curiosity gets the best of them, or they just do not know how to handle every situation on their own. That is what we are here for. To help them cope, live, love, and to be understood. We are not just here to yell, be boss, scream, be mean, etc. We should always be a parent first, but there is no wrong doing in being their friend, in a close second place.

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