by Ann Marie Dwyer

Created on: March 19, 2007   Last Updated: May 07, 2007

Teenagers use civil disobedience before they learn the meaning of the phrase. More often than not, this behavior can be avoided altogether.

The net result of a respectful relationship between parents and teens is parents with more sleep and hair, and teenagers with a lot of freedoms their friends do not share. More rules will translate into more freedom, as soon as parents and teens understand why rules exist.

Rules and laws exist for the same reasons. Obeying laws and rules brings freedom from dangers to health, mental well-being and safety. Parents have a duty to protect their children from harm. Establish with teens the reasons why the rules exist. Engage the teen in conversation as to why rules exist.

Curfews are a premium example. A curfew is not a parental attempt to hamper or curtail the enjoyment of the teen. The curfew exists because it is not safe for teens to be out after a certain hour. Some states can arrest teens for being out too late. Violation of curfew cues parents to worry about the safety of their teen.

Rules for teens operate in the same fashion as laws for adults. Infractions of laws result in jail time. Aggravating the arresting officer results in added jail time. Likewise, rule breaking results in loss of freedoms. Aggravating the parent enforcing the rules results in prolonged loss of freedom.

Parents who set specific boundaries for their teens, consistently enforce rules and respect the teen's right to challenge the rules have the most success with obedience. Teens need to understand that parents do care and have their best interests in mind. Let teens know that while challenges will be accepted, disobedience will not.

Knowing how to compromise will instill trust in both teen and parent. When a teen rebels against a rule, parents need to openly discuss the rule with the teen. Teens usually have thought about why they consider a rule unfair or unreasonable. When asked, teens will generally explain it to their parents.

During this discussion, parents should consider the teens' view and decide if a modification of the rule could possibly end the disobedience. Compromise is always more well-received that missives and edicts.

Teens will obey rules that are just. Avoid the hassles by enlisting teen help in making rules.

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