by Michael Pitre

Created on: July 29, 2011

The problem with dating isn’t just the risk of disappointment. If you’re not careful, dating can sneak up on you, transforming a chance meeting or friendly get together into what is effectively a first date. You’re secretly evaluating them as a potential partner; they’re secretly evaluating you. And somehow, perhaps not entirely by surprise, the topic of spending more time together materializes. Should we pretend that such an occurrence was not a date, just because no one called it one? I think not!

Just because it’s happening secretly doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. And that’s one of the things you can keep in mind to help avoid disappointment when dating for the first time. You’ve probably engaged in secret-dating several times before, and yet you’re still here, intact, reading this article. See? The fear of disappointment only becomes prominent when a meet-up is officially declared a date; you’ve both expressed your intention to evaluate each other. Not only are you under pressure to make a great impression, but there’s the looming possibility of rejection.

The idea of rejection is the real monster under the bed, per se, nibbling viciously at your shoes and other personal belongings when you aren’t looking. Disappointment, on the other hand, can refer to less devastating events, such as discovering you aren’t as interested in your date as you’d previously thought. However, if you’ve been really hopeful about someone, the fear of the door between your world and theirs closing forever can really hamper your time together. It can actually reduce the chance of things going well for you.

The best way to avoid disappointment and temper your fear of rejection when dating for the first time is to look for situations in which you can secret-date, as discussed above. Try to spend time with the subject of your interest in situations where the intent to possibly become a couple later on hasn’t been stated overtly. An effective way to do this is to go out along with a group of friends, where you have to chance to interact with each other, but the presence of others helps prevent uncomfortable tension from mounting.

Foregoing traditional dating procedure can work in your favor when dating for the first time, and subsequently as well! What you really want to be able to do is be yourself, while experiencing the person you’re with in a genuine way too. Just have fun, and do your best not to invest yourself too deeply in what the outcome may be. If you can do that, then you’ll be off to a great start in your dating experience.

Learn more about this author, Michael Pitre.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.