by Donald Z. Smith

Created on: July 28, 2011

There was a time in my life when I had a short period of time I constantly was in a position of death.  I was a young man and had enlisted in the Marine Corps and sent to Vietnam in 1968 and 1969.  I was a Marine Corps infantryman and engaged the North Vietnamese Army and Viet Cong for many months in various operations.  Most of the operations I fought in lasted about a month in jungle and mountainous terrain.  My fear of death lasted the first two months I was in battles, but soon passed, as I had finally dealt with this possible fate and realized I couldn't worry about it every day.  I still maintained vigilance and self defense in combat, but stopped thinking about dying.  I suppressed worrying and thinking I may not survive.  I simply didn't think about it.  I engaged my mind and actions in other things to emotionally survive.  

A time did arise in combat, where the fear of death returned.  When a soldier is "short" or about to get orders to go "back home", then the daily fear of death returns.  Usually, about two months before returning home, an infantryman would start displaying the days left in combat on his helmet and he would be considered "short".  That is when the fear of death returns to a combat soldier.  It returned to me also, and I still retain my helmet camouflage cover that has the word "short" on it and the days listed that were left.

One of my friends in Vietnam was "short".  He was a Marine Corps Sergeant.  He spoke everyday of being "short-er".  Then one day he was scheduled to receive orders to be helicoptered from the jungle to the rear Marine Base to go home  His tour was over.  The orders never came when he had gotten to one day left.  He complained daily that he should be out of the field and in the rear awaiting his big trip home.  He received letters from home telling him how proud his family was and that they would be at the airport upon his arrival.  He was becoming nervous and upset as the orders had not come and he was in the field now 5 days past the time he was scheduled to serve "In Country".  By then he certainly should have been taken from combat.  Fear of death had returned to him now and I felt sorry for him, but he had to wait for his orders.

We were having enemy contact and it seemed to be increasing.  On the 6th day, the NVA broke through our lines on his side of the perimeter.  A Marine infantryman

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