by Maria Yanicki

Created on: July 28, 2011

People think that everything down to the last detail needs to be discussed, and in my view, this is just not true. This is also what most men think, and even though I am a woman and as such, I feel a need to "talk" it out, some things just don't need to be said.

Do I really need to know where he's been all day, what he did at work/school, what he had for lunch? No. The little, everyday things don't need to be discussed. It's nice if he tells me on his own, but there's enough trust there that he doesn't need to be tracked.

So what about the big stuff? Who should manage the finances, buying a house, or moving to a different state? Sure, those need to be discussed. As a woman with traditional values, however, I'll let my man bring it up first. If he doesn't, too bad. We're staying in the house we have. He didn't say anything, so I figure we're staying here. Discussions, I believe, are things my man should initiate. I will always do my own thing, and if he talks to me, that's great. I'll drop what I'm doing and switch hats, from masculine (doing) to feminine (feeling). And I'll listen, I'll be as soft and self-aware (this is important) as can be, and present my ideas when he's finished talking in a calm, stately manner. It's important to listen to him as he's speaking, and be self-aware. If he doesn't offer you the same courtesy and walks away, tell him the next time you see him that you feel (present tense) very upset about before. Don't blame him, because he'll probably stop listening.

So what if you need to be the bigger person, and start the discussion first? How do you go about doing that? Starting a discussion on your own because it's bothering you is very different from just starting one because it might be needed. I'll still wait for him to approach me. When he does, I will tell him how I feel at the present moment, and tell him what's bothering me, trying my best to exclude the word "you", because usually that means you're blaming him. For some reason, men don't like to be blamed for anything, even if they're wrong! So the only way to get them to listen is to present it without blaming him. Perhaps you're trying to tell him that you need a lift to the garage because your car is done being fixed, and he's taking his sweet time. The next time he talks to you, wait for an opening, and tell him how you feel. It could be, "I feel confused because my car needs to be picked up from the garage." or "I feel upset because my car is fixed but it's not here."

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