by Cinda Smaagaard

Created on: July 26, 2011   Last Updated: July 28, 2011

Making amends or restitution requires a social consciousness rarely felt or found these days outside of courtrooms, social programs like Alcoholics Anonymous or those who actually teach and promote ethics. Any suggestion implying that an apology is due, admitting that we were wrong or that one must atone for one's sins by public admission and repayment are not only uncomfortable to feel, but even harder to do in practice. Therefore, most people avoid the subject because of its subjective nature.

Preachers, politicians, police and high-profile personalities appear to be taking the brunt these days of acting as the keepers of our social conscience criteria. If THEY say it is OK, then it must be OK. If people push forth a public punishment to be paid, then we follow along in expectation that social justice will somehow reign by righteousness indignation. We forget that sometimes for whatever reason the other simply has not reached that level of enlightenment that they have done something wrong for which amends need be made. For that matter, who enacted us to act as the moral arbitrators?  Conscience is always best left between you and your maker.

A TV episode on Jerry Seinfeld called "The Apology" showed just how confusing making amends can be in actual practice. Although a character named Jason, a recovering alcoholic on the 8th and 9th steps of his 12-step program, said he was sorry to Jerry in the diner, he failed to say anything to George about a sweater incident. George is so obsessed with getting an "amends" from Jason, he ends up bullying Jason at work in an ice-cream parlor and is sent to anger management. Although George's overly eager obsession with extracting an apology was hilariously funny on TV, in the real world, we need to understand that other people do not always see the fault or wrongdoing in the same way we do. It has nothing to do with a lack of consciousness or denial and everything to do with the other's perspective.

The world is not so black and white. You simply cannot expect others to see things the way you do. If they did, they would probably have not done the dastardly deed in the first place. What is worse is that we are not always in possession of all the true facts upon which to base a judgmental decision.  What may appear to us to be a wrong, may in fact have been the right thing

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